Church Is In My Blood

Church is in my blood. I need the people. I need the time for meditation and contemplation. I need it for my family. What I do not need is the doctrine. I often ask myself if I should be a part of the Christian church where every week I am to state the creed of all those things we believe. I don't believe. So I do what any good student of literature does: I search for the deeper meaning, the symbols, the metaphors. I deconstruct until I am left with something palatable. But sometimes I tire of pretending, of trying so hard to fit into that size 3 dress, when I am a hefty 10. Sometimes I want to shout from the rooftops I do not fit, I do not fit! So let me GO!! But she does not. I cannot let her go. So, I wander the desert each Sunday from the moment I walk through the church doors.

-aliza lane (joyful path)